Its My Birthday!!!!

Its my Birthday today so what better way of celebrating it than to sit down in front of a computer screen and write a load of crap for everyone else in the world to see. Luckily I will be going out tonight to get blocked so I don't feel too bad about it.

I've been writing up my holiday in Strangford lough which I will publish when I am ready but for the moment its back to the slog of eating and drinking (its a tough life!)

Ray's Walking Tour of Belfast

On the last day of our National Trust holiday I decided to give some of the English a walking tour of the centre of Belfast. You will probably not be able to see the route properly unless you save and enlarge the map above and the numbers are not very clear (what do you want a bleeding piece of art!) but I will take you through the main points (the walking tour is in Purple)


1. The Crown Bar. An obvious starting point as its a national trust property and its a bar! Before setting off we all had a much earned drink. Across the road from the Crown bar is the Europa hotel which until the war in Yugoslavia had the dubious distinction of being the most bombed hotel in Europe. Now its only the most bombed in western Europe.


2. On to the city hall, past the goths who hang outside trying to look as weird as possible. Of course the City Hall was closed for renovation - bloody typical!

3. Then it was to arthur street and a quick look inside Cafe Vaudeville. This is a recently opened bar in Belfast which used to be a old bank and still includes all the ornate decorations. I basically hate it - its a cattle market full of tossers.

4. A much nicer bar now - Whites Tavern - the oldest bar in Belfast dating back to the 17th century. (There is a slight theme to this walk!) Only a toilet stop here.

5. On to the Albert Clock - Belfast's own leaning tower. This is due to the idiots who built it putting it on top of the river Farset which flows under the high street of Belfast. (Béal Feirste is Irish for 'Mouth of the Farset" - see, read this blog and you will learn things!)

6. The lagan weir is Belfast's flood barrier complete with an underground lookout where you can watch tampons, condoms and turds gently float past underneath the water. It was of course closed.

7. Another Pub stop - but only to look in on the Merchant Hotel. Another bank turned into an ornate poseur hole. I still haven't gotten into the place - they keep saying they are full up. Are they arse! The pot house across the road has the distinction of having a glass bottom to its upper floor so perverts can look up women's skirts from below. Who ever said Belfast was not sophisticated.

8. Back to a real bar - the Duke of York which is a great bar to end the night in if you can ever find the place. We had a quick drink there before heading to our final stop.

9. Back to Culture - St Annes Cathedral. I do believe that this was the very first time I have been in St Annes. It has a very nice interior spoilt by what can only be described as the largest lightning conductor I have ever seen sticking through the dome - Who the hell thought that was a good idea!

After the walking tour came the driving tour in which I took the remaining people on a quick tour of west Belfast. This was supposed to be a showcase of all the murals of Sandy Row followed by the Falls and Springfield Road and then across the peace line and down the Shankill back into the city centre. However I could not find most of the Murals up the Falls and the ones in Sandy Row seem to have all but disappeared. I will have another go and do a 'Murals of Belfast picture tour for everyone before I head around the world.

Ray's Pub Crawl of Belfast!

The Red route on the map indicates a typical Saturday night pub crawl for me in Belfast - here is a quick overview.

0. Bus stop I get off at. 0 because unlike the previous walking tour this tour is marked by number of pints consumed not stops.

1. Kitchen Bar/Bittles Bar
Pint of choice: Real Ale of some description. If there is no ale on then I go to Bittles just beside it for a bottled ale.
Interesting facts: The current Kitchen bar is only a few years old - the old one having been demolished to make room for the monstrosity that is the Victoria Place shopping Mall - that's progress for you. Bittles has some very interesting pictures but the best thing is the cardboard models of all the old cinemas in Belfast (sadly all gone now)

2. McHughs Bar (beside the Albert Clock)
Pint of Choice: Real Ale again
Interesting Facts: Although not the oldest bar in Belfast (which is Whites) part of McHughes is the oldest building in Belfast.

3. The Spaniard
Pint of Choice: Guinness or sometimes Mojitas.
Interesting Facts: Very small bar which is usually too packed to get into. Has a dart board at the back - a very dangerous place to sit near!

4. Whites Tavern:
Pint of Choice: Guinness - the best Guinness in Belfast
Interesting facts: As well as being the oldest bar in Belfast it also has diddly dee music on most Saturday afternoons for tired shoppers.

5. (and usually 6 if Spaniard too packed earlier) The John Hewitt.
Pint of Choice: Back to Real Ale.
Interesting Facts: Owned by The Belfast Unemployed Resource Centre which is where all the profits go to. It also exhibits paintings by various artists which are available to buy. Usually have to wait until the Jazz band stops on a Saturday before venturing in here. Not because Its too packed but because I can't stand Jazz!

7/8. The Duke of York.
Pint of Choice: Guinness or sometimes Belgium bottled beer.
Interesting Facts: Full of mirrors from various whiskey companies. In my younger days of drinking I always had to be drunk to find this bar - I could never find it sober as its down an alleyway.

The night becomes a bit hazy after the Duke of York which is usually my last port of call before getting the night bus back home. However if its a good night then its off to Robinsons.

9/10. Fibber Magees (back bar in Robinsons)
Pint of Choice: Sensible night: Guinness, Stupid Night: Newquay Brown (Newcastle Brown Ale)
Interesting Facts: There is a band playing until 2 and they have beer. Newquay Brown produces the most lethal farts known to mankind the next day.

Normally I don't venture into Robinsons as the front bar is usually full of spides and millies but on occassion I will go to Fibbers to end the night in style.

Unsung 'Hiro'

My Unsung Hero for the National Trust Holiday has got to be Chihiro. Not because she does this sort of thing regularly - she has never done a Conservation Holiday before in her life. I picked her precisely because she has not done this sort of thing before. In fact she has never even been to Europe let alone Ireland before!

Chihiro is the Hero because she travelled half way round the world in order to do 1 weeks work with us bunch of idiots and then traveled all the way back again after that week. It must of been a real cultural shock to her and trying to understand all of us with different accents (especially me!) must have been a real pain.



Kampai: Chihiro!

Save the planet - fix a car park

Last week I did my first proper 'Conservation Trip' by joining a National Trust working holiday in Strangford Lough. OK so its not around the world but you have to start somewhere! Having never done one of these holidays before I had no idea what to expect - I might even have to do without drink for the entire week!

I met up with my fellow cohorts on Saturday afternoon (3rd May) all of whom were English (aaagh!) except for 1 Japanese Girl. Thankfully they were all down to earth people and none of them were 18 year old brats or 70 year old coffin dodgers. Also I learned very quickly that not only was drinking allowed but with this group of people it was practically compulsory.

Anyway here are some things I learnt on this holiday:

1. At this time of year because of nesting birds and other things you can't really do any scrub bashing or cutting down of trees so you are left with fixing up car parks and fencing. All noble causes (and hard work!) but you just feel shouldn't a digger be doing this?(apparently volunteers are cheaper!)

2. Do not expect to lose weight on a National Trust holiday. No matter how much work you do it will easily be offset by the large breakfast, biscuit breaks, lunch, dinner with large dessert and of course the obligatory couple of pints at the local pub(s) at the end of the day.

3. No matter how many times you pass through Killyleagh, Co Down you will never tire of pointing out to English people that it is the birthplace of David Healy . I feel a chant is necessary:

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed the little lord Jesus laid down his sweet head.
The stars in the bright sky looked down where HEALY! HEALY! HEALY!



4. If you are going to give a pick axe to a female social worker be prepared to run away very fast - there's a lot of pent up anger waiting to get out! Just as well Becca got her 'Feckin' Whiskey





5. Trying to chat up women by offering bottles of Harp lager (local pisswater) does not work - as demonstrated by a rather drunk Strangford local to two of the women on the holiday - smooth talking bastard!

6. Trying to explain that a 'Poke' in Norn Iron means an Ice cream should not even be attempted to other people!

In fact the word 'Poke' seems to have even gone out of fashion in Norn Iron. Gone are the days when your ma would send you out to the Ice cream van saying "There's Mr Whippy outside - go and get two pokes and a large slider from him" No you just don't hear that anymore.

7. I did learn several Important Japanese Words (which I am not going to even attempt to write in Japanese)


Broh: Beer
Kampai: Cheers
ichi: One
Onegi: Please
arigatoh: Thank you
konchiwa: Hello

I can just picture me in a bar in Japan talking just like the locals:

Come-chi-wah! itchy B-row Oh-my-god; Alligator; Come-by.

SORTED!

Anyway a most enjoyable holiday - and the weather was great too. The only disappointment was not being able to get on the feral goat island - I think I would have looked great running around after goats in my silver wellies.

My Silver wellies - useful for 70's fancy dress parties as well as chasing goats.

Bye Bye Dublin

Tonight is the last night I will be spending in my apartment before heading back up home to Belfast. Tomorrow I start my conservation work by taking part in a National Trust working holiday up around Strangford Lough. Its not exactly round the world travelling but then I always think conservation starts at home and it will ease me in to living with other people in close quarters.

Naturally I will be out for a couple of pints in order to commemorate my time in Dublin but I am being sophisticated about it by going to friend's Art exhibition opening

To date other than taking things such as clothes, CD's, Books and DVD's the only thing I have done is help with setting up this exhibition - something I mean to change as of tomorrow.

So the tally so far is: Drunk Nights 5, Volunteer Days 1. (some of the other nights were borderline drunk nights but I didn't count them)

This will probably be my last post for a week but as nobody is actually reading it it won't matter anyway.

Judy Brock - Unsung Hero

One of the things I thought I would do on this blog is to highlight people who, rather than my pathetic little conservation indulgence, actually do good work day in day out in order to protect animals and the environment. Because I have been volunteering up at the DSPCA and because Judy is my boss when I am up there I thought she would be the best person to pick as my first 'Unsung Hero'.

Whenever I told her she spent the rest of the day going around with a big smile on her face telling everyone 'I'm a Hero, I'm a Hero'. I think by the end of the day the rest of the staff wanted to throw her in some horse manure!

Anyway Judy is from Glasgow and works at Dublin's Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Animals (DSPCA). She does this at weekends as during the week she is doing a full time course in animal care as well as helping out at a local vets.

Here's where I make her head even bigger by saying she is a great person to work with and is always enthusiatic and cheerful (that's all your getting Judy - what do you think I am some sort of sap!)


< Judy and Donald who has just had his hip fixed after a traffic accident.


Judy goatting around (as usual)>



One other thing to say about Judy. She is one of the few Glaswegians I have met who, after hearing where I am from, did not immediately ask which team I supported - Rangers or Celtic. Of course I always say Partick Thistle and end up with a Glaswegian Handshake. Only Joking - Glaswegians are really nice people - Honest! (Anyway its Motherwell, not Partick Thistle)